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Pregnancy Struggles

Writing has always been kind of therapeutic for me. I remember in high school when I would get really mad I would go write in my journal or doodle (Do kids these days even still have diaries and journals?!).  For all the things I think about sharing or not sharing for some reason this one wasn’t hard for me. Maybe it’s the stage in my life. Honestly last year was a hard year personally and with work. And I think maybe with so much going on I needed to vent and let something out because it was bottling in my head. I knew so many people had been through this. Family on both sides, mine and Cody’s, have been through these struggles, through IVF, adoption, anything and everything to bring a sweet baby in the world. But I also knew there were women holding it in and I wanted to share my feelings in hopes to help someone maybe going through the same thing not feel so alone. Your dm’s have poured in and meant so much to me as I share our journey, and I just want you to know I read every single one.

I think for awhile I just thought if I stopped thinking about it it would happen. With Beckam it was so easy, we tried a couple months and boom I was pregnant. I didn’t check my ovulation (honestly I didn’t even know that was a thing when I had Beckam). I just got off birth control and I think it was like 2-3 months later I was pregnant. (For those that are new here: Mara and Wes the older kids you see in my pics are my step babies 🙂  – so Beckam is the only child I have “given birth to” as I reference trying to get pregnant again) Now that it hasn’t happened so easy, I’ve read up on all the things that have to line up for you to actually get pregnant, and it’s crazy to think about how many people accidentally get pregnant. I know that’s cliche and it’s been said a million times but its just more crazy to me now. And if anything it has made it more apparent to me that at the end of the day God’s timing isn’t always our timing. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve been mad, I’ve been sad, I’ve been annoyed, I’ve been moody, and we haven’t even been through the really hard stuff yet. But I still do believe that there is always a plan for our life.

I think the biggest thing is I’ve just felt like is I’m failing. I think this feeling of failure has been a voice in my head I’ve let speak too loud. Other areas of my life (I’ll save for a later post) haven’t been going the way I planned and this little voice that starts small, gets louder, and louder, and you start to believe it. There has been multiple months I thought oh I’m for sure pregnant this month, I wouldn’t tell anyone cause I didn’t want to jinx it, and then my period would come, and it was another month of disappoint. That quiet voice became this loud drum every month that lasted a week reminding me I’m failing. I would carry it into my day and into my personal life and my work.

As I’m writing this I feel like it sounding so dark, this was really November and December for me of last year and now as I have been working through things I feel like it’s easier to talk about and share…

So what have we done and where are we at?

We started trying December/January of last year, so its been a little over a year now. Everyone told me to wait a full year before I saw a fertility doctor, but after 6 months of not getting pregnant I started doing research and found out a lot of doctors take a couple months to get into so I scheduled an apt and sure enough September was their earliest opening.

When we went in, it felt kind of like the movies, you sit down and awkwardly talk about your sex life to a stranger, what you’ve been doing, how often you’ve been doing it, any history of medical issues, etc etc. You set a plan, and for us, my doctor said I shouldn’t be too alarmed because its only been 9 months. Too me that felt like ETERNITY, I always want the quick and fastest solution. That’s just my personality. But I am also SUPER sensitive to all types of medicine, so we wanted to be as conservative as possible. She ordered a lot of different tests. Sperm analysis for Cody. For me – I have had irregular cycles since I was young, so she wanted me to really track my cycles (the Ava bracelet was super helpful for this), do blood work to check my hormones and nutrition levels, and some tests to see if I had PCOS (polycystic ovaries). Everything came back pretty normal, I was a little low on vitamin D and I think Vitamin B but nothing too major. My thyroid was on the borderline too, but nothing that would majorly prevent us from conceiving. She concluded I did have PCOS (which I was told when I was high school, but I guess 15 years ago it was really over diagnosed so she wanted to double check). This being the major reason I most likely was having a hard time getting pregnant, because I wasn’t ovulating every month.

All the tests took a month and half or so to do, once those were complete she decided to have me do an HSG test. Basically it’s a test they put blue dye through your tubes to make sure their is no blockage and things are flowing the right way. I had heard from friends and family who had gone through it that it was really painful and uncomfortable. I’ll be honest I am a wimp when it comes to pain – so when my doctor asked if I wanted anything to help with pain and my nerves I opted for it no question haha.( A lot of you dmed me saying you didn’t have that option – so maybe ask your doctor if you can get something to help if you’re getting it done.) I think because of that it wasn’t that painful. It was a little uncomfortable but not as bad as I was expecting at all. Those tests came back clear too. Many people said they got pregnant after this test because it clears your tubes out, we weren’t that lucky, but it’s an easy step to take if your in the journey struggling to conceive to maybe get some answers.

(Cody here with me to hold my hand during the HSG test. He’s always really good with making me laugh in situations I’m nervous.)

So now we were to “next steps”.  She wanted to put me on Femara – which is really similar to chlomid but more effective for patients with PCOS. She decided we would do 3 months of “timed intercourse” and if we were unsuccessful move to IVF. This is where we are now. I take femara for a certain number of days and then go in to see if I’m creating follicles to ovulate. (sorry I’m probably overly explaining this but here it all is haha) The first month I wasn’t ovulating like I was supposed to, even with the medicine it wasn’t working, I was literally panicking. They have you come in every 2-3 couple days to monitor it, and nothing was changing.  They upped my dose, and between the 2 day gap they check I ovulated and we missed it. They said this RARELY happens, like a 1% chance they miss it, but my body just wasn’t responding. I was so disappointed. We spent so much money and it didn’t work, and it was another month of time. They felt so bad, so they gave us our next month free and here we are on round two.

At the end of last year, my good friend got me a certificate for foot reflexology. If you don’t know much about it, it’s basically the belief that everything in your body your emotions, organs, health, etc is connected to your feet. My grandma who passed away last year taught me about this when I was young. So when my friend got me the certificate I was really excited to go. I told her nothing about us trying to conceive and she hit SOOOO many things going on in my life it was crazy! She talked about how stressed my body was, and asked if we were trying to have a baby and I said yes. She said your body is over worked, and telling you if you don’t make changes in your daily lifestyle, you won’t make room for another child in your life. I was literally sobbing. What’s cool about it is she can work through these things and help release the build up of toxins in your body and adjust your body to “realign”. It’s like going to a masseuse and having them get a knot out out of  your back. She made me aware of so many things I had been holding inside, like that feeling of failure I talked about earlier. And made me realize I’m not failing! I just need to manage my life better. It has helped me with so much this year and I feel such a difference in my mindset. I’ve heard people say acupuncture helps with infertility – I’m just deathly afraid of needles, so I feel like the foot reflexology is a natural alternative similar to that. Who knows if its’ really helping us conceive, but it’s helping me as a person so it’s a win at least in one way 🙂

I’ve realized this has turned into a NOVEL!!! So I’ll wrap up here. If you have more questions leave below and I’ll answer in the next post. I’ve had so many of you suggest so many things, and share your stories, or just words of encouragement and they mean the world. You all really mean so much to me! I’m going to do another post that has a list of all the things people have suggested, I know there’s others out there going through the same thing and I want to share as much as I can. So more to come ❤️❤️ and thanks for reading and all your support.

XX, Christine

 

 

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  1. Melissa Klusek

    I’m so sorry that you’ve been going through such a stressful journey, but grateful you’re sharing it! I have a feeling it’s going to help a lot of people not feel so alone. If you haven’t read Woman Code by Alisa Vitti you definitely should! It was so empowering, and I know so many people who have read it and said it changed their life. Thank you, again, for being so open!

    1. Nicole Miranda

      You are the second person that I have seen recommend Woman Code this week. I’m officially sold and going to look into it. Thank you!

  2. Kathy

    I love this post! My husband and I have been trying for some time as well, and reading this hit every emotion I’ve been feeling SPOT ON.. I feel like a failure, I feel moody, I’m anxious and I dread getting my period because then “I failed again”. My mom and sister in law both got pregnant SOOOO easily, to where my mom even commented “How is it taking you this long. I would think about getting pregnant, and I would be pregnant by the next week”. Yeah thanks mom, that’s really helpful haha. But thank you so much for sharing this. I feel like I’ve been on the verge of a breakdown at any second…random things make me tear up for no reason whatsoever. I don’t mean to say I’m glad we’re in the same boat, but it’s comforting to know that other women feel this way too. Thank you!
    And congrats on finally moving in to your new home!!!!!!!!!!! It looks GORGEOUS <3

  3. MC

    Christine, this was so heart-warming that you’re sharing this with your readers. I’ll be praying that you conceive soon. You are a great mama to all your kiddos and God will grant the desires of your heart. Don’t lose faith!!!

  4. Alison rebecca martin

    Thank you for sharing, Christine. We’ve been walking through this for a while now and it’s so hard to fight those feelings of “maybe this is happening because I’m not good enough.” Our enemy is so unoriginal! It helps to hear that I’m not the only one feeling that way as a reminder that it’s just not true!

  5. Torey Wenstone

    I’m so sorry you are going through this. My story is very similar and I remember. Going in every few days to have them help if I was ovulating.. I tracked everything obsessively because I couldn’t understand how it wasn’t happening. My first took a year. And 3 months of clomid with both. It wasn’t working the first 2 months and the third month for both it did. I thought we would have to do IVf. I will say I did do acupuncture and I think with the clomid and acupuncture, my body responded. I’m scared of needles too and it wasn’t bad at all. Not like getting a shot or blood taken. My third boy is now 8 months and I got pregnant on my own pretty quickly. That didn’t happen with the other two. My husband was hesitant on a third and I think that was God ‘s answer for us. Keep trying, praying and know you will appreciate this baby more than ever knowing how hard you tried. God does have a plan that you can’t see right now. Mediation helped calm my mind and fears too. Good luck to you!

  6. Alison rebecca Martin

    Ok I just realized I do have questions haha. This is so personal, but I don’t have many friends with similar circumstances. Do you ever doubt whether you should want more children? I have a 7yo adopted son (my nephew) and a 5yo biological son and the longer we try (4 years in April) the more I feel like maybe I should just appreciate having older kids and the ability to travel more easily, etc. Obviously that’s not what I really feel deep down. Also, what was it like having the age gap between Mara, Wes and Beckam?

    1. Faith

      Clearly, I’m not Christine, but I did wonder this when *I* was going through it. Basically, after having my second child and all the things we had to do to get him, I knew I wasn’t ready to jump back in and do it all again for a third (even though I did want 3). So my husband and I decided that we would just not use B/C and if it happened it was meant to be. We did already have 2 kids at that point. 5 years later, we still and not gotten pregnant and I was 35. So we decided to call it a day and close up shop. 😉 But each person and family is different and that’s a question you have to answer yourself. But I think you will know when it is the right time for YOU.

  7. Margret

    Christine, I just want you know that you are amazing an d thank you so much for sharing this journey with us. It is so great to know people are not alone in this situation and you make them feel at ease. I will continue to hope and pray for another beautiful baby. you are such an amazing person and mama and deserve the best!!!!!

  8. Sandy

    Thank you for sharing. It’s very brave. I too was an open book with my fertility struggles. I vented day to day to anyone that would listen. It was therapeutic. My best advice for you is that it WILL happen. It may not be at the exact time that you want but just trust that it will. I tried every treatment possible after my first (in a two and a half year span). After a long journey with 5 heartbreaking losses we finally conceived a healthy boy. It completed me. Try not to listen to all the outside noise and people telling you to relax or be happy with what you have. Scream, cry, yell and be pissed on your own accord. Just know it will happen. If you ever need to vent or want to pick my brain you an always reach out. I’m an NP myself and know all too much about fertility. Best of luck to you.

  9. Tracy Young

    Thank you for sharing this. It is so important for women to support each other, sympathize with each other, and know we are NOT alone in our struggles. Your strength is amazing!

  10. Sara

    I’m sending prayers your way! I’m sure this was really therapeutic to write. I tried accupuncture for this first time a year ago when we wanted to start trying and knowing i was already 35 and having irregular periods – I figured i’d give it a shot since I wanted to exhaust other options before trying medication, ivf – well it took 3 months and she got my periods and ovulation/luteal phase to normal and the month everything level’d out was the one we got pregnant! Our baby girl is due in less than 3 weeks. I was convinced it would take forever for us to get pregnant and while i dont know if it was the accupuncture or just our time in general, we’ll never know. I dont have a fear of needles but who does love them, right? Will continue to keep you in my thoughts!

  11. Carolyn

    Hi Christine ♥️ Thank you for sharing your journey with us – this is so real raw and beautiful albeit painful! Hoping you conceive soon but you have sucha beautiful family already and you are amazing. Sending positive thoughts and prayers

  12. AMANDA

    Christine, thank you for sharing your story with your readers. I am new to your blog and this post resonated with me so much. My story is almost identical to yours. I have a 2 year old daughter, I have PCOS, and we also have been trying to conceive since January of last year. I also started seeing a fertility specialist in August and after two months on Femara and an IUI, I got pregnant in October but it tragically ended in an ectopic pregnancy and two days before Thanksgiving it ruptured and I lost my left Fallopian tube in the ER. I had a HSG in December to make sure my right tube was normal before we start the IVF process soon. The egg retrieval alone is daunting and makes me stressed out already. Going through all of this has only made me more determined to grow our family. I really appreciate you telling your story and I will pray you get pregnant soon! It will happen 🙂

  13. Jules

    Christine, Thank you sooo much for sharing. Literally going through the exact same thing (we started last feb) . I share that same feeling of failure, and it seems like no one except people who have gone through it. So tired of hearing relax and it will happen when you stop thinking about it. No one seems to get how frustrating it is that we can literally control so much of what happens in our lives/bodies but this part is somewhat out of our control. Praying for you!!! keep us update

  14. alyssa Ren

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. You are so strong for putting this out there. My prayers are with you and Cody. As you said, it’s all on God’s timing.
    XX,
    Alyssa Ren
    http://alyssarenmares.com/

  15. Donna priolo

    Hi Christine. I just finished reading your post. I always thought getting pregnant was the easiest thing. All three of my pregnancies were so easy but as I’ve gotten older and talked to more people I’ve noticed how hard it can be. I wish you and Cody all the luck getting pregnant. I’m glad you shared your experience with us. Good luck 💗

  16. Iza

    Thank you for sharing. We’ve been trying for a year now too. I really hope it works soon because it’s really hard. I’ve had better months, but now with my period starting again I feel like it’s been too long. We’re trying maybe 2 more cycles, and then we’ll go with IVF.

  17. Meredith

    Thank you so much for sharing your story <3 We are entering our 4th month of trying for our first baby, which I know in the big picture isn't very long but it's hard to know what's normal, how much should we be doing…it's just overwhelming, the amount of information out there and wondering how it goes for other couples…so thank you for being so brave and sharing your experience. I've never heard of reflexology, definitely want to learn more about it. I hope your treatments go well and that you'll be expecting soon! lots of love, mer

  18. Jessica Ott

    Hi Christine. Thank you for sharing your story. It takes so much courage to share this story. My husband and I tried to have a baby for four years. We unintentionally got pregnant five years ago then lost the baby at 12 weeks. I never would have imagined it would take four more years to have a baby. But three miscarriages later and a long period of not getting pregnant, we finally had a precious baby girl who just turned one. My heart still can’t comprehend it. But God is good. We did the HSG test and I was cleared of any blockages and we had been to a specialist who said the previous miscarriages were just “oops” because she couldn’t find anything wrong with either of our reproductive systems. Talk about frustration!! But anyway, I’ve been through it too. We were just on the brink of IVF when I ended up getting pregnant and staying pregnant. It’s astounding to me how many women go through infertility without telling anyone. I Couldn’t do it. Not that I wanted sympathy but I wanted and NEEDED the support and encouragement. Especially in the times when I literally didn’t even have the strength to pray and ask for a baby anymore. So again, thank you for sharing your journey. You are doing great and taking the right steps. You are strong.
    Have you heard the song Seasons by Hillsong? Listen to it with a box of tissue when you have a moment to yourself. It honestly was my anthem for a long time.

    Praying for you,
    Jessica

  19. Janine

    Aw Christine, my heart really opened up for you reading this post. First of all, thanks for being so open and honest about this topic, I can only imagine how hard that must be, because it is such a delicate and private topic. I am not trying to have kids yet, but I can definitely sympathize with someone that feels like they have failed. I am super happy for you that you have worked through those really dark and sad times and seem to be doing much better! Things will only get brighter from here for sure! Thanks for sharing your story and journey so far, also, suuuper interesting to read about the benefits of foot reflexology!
    xx Janine
    https://walkinmysneaks.blogspot.com/

  20. Kayla

    Thank you for sharing and for being so open and vulnerable. I’m sure as you see from sharing that so many women go through or have gone through the same things. Your story with brighten and strengthen others. I know it’s weird because I’m a stranger but I live here in Meridian Idaho and have helped others do a specific massage technique using essential oils. Since you’re enjoying encorporating some other natural tools in with what you’re doing I would love to show you if you’re interested. It’s helped some others and even Cody can do it on you 3 times/ week! ❤️ Sending you love and prayers!! ❤️

  21. Caloveline

    I’m so sorry for you, and I can imagine that it feels pretty lonely going through this. There’s this Swedish girl who makes all her youtube videos and her blog in english, she’s been going through the exact thing the latest year. But she’s pregnant now, but if it feels lonely sometimes, and you want to here somebody else’s story I would recommend you to google ”Kenzas”. And watch her youtube and read her blog.
    Don’t lose faith, good things take time sometimes ❤️
    http://Www.caloveline.com

  22. Melissa

    I think I literally said out loud “same” 6 times while reading this. We are at the HGC point in our journey and I’m procrastinating scheduling the appt because I heard it’ sucks! But your testimony of it gave me hope that I won’t die lol so I THINK I may just schedule it today…maybe LOL. Thank you for sharing. TTC can be a lonely place. Covering you in prayers and for you to experience God’s faithfulness through the gift of a healthy baby!

  23. Francine

    I got pregnant with my first son on the very first try. It was so simply, I assumed it would happen just as easily the second time. 8 months of clomid; 10 rounds of artificial insemination, and 4 IVFs. The process was crushing. 4.5 years later, I had twin boys. It was all-consuming and physically and mentally exhausting. So, you’re not alone.

    I would encourage you to take an occasional break…one month, two months….to get clear your head and your body. Be kind to yourself. Don’t give up hobbies, friendships etc. If people offer help, take it.

    Consider acupuncture. It did work for me. I found it immensely relaxing. (needles are SO tiny…and you’re laying down with your eyes closed!)

  24. Khristy

    Gosh- thank you for sharing your journey, trials, and emotions with all of us. But prayers for you guys

  25. Marti

    I have PCOS too and looked into getting the AVA bracelet but read it wasnt researched yet with PCOS. Do you find it still helpful to catch when you randomly ovulate?

  26. Megan

    Hi Christine! I’m so sorry you’re going through this struggle and I hope you get blessed with your sweet baby soon. I also have PCOS and I’m sure your doctors have discussed different medications with you but I took Metformin and I became pregnant three weeks after I started. I know everyone is different but I wanted to share that with you in case that was an avenue you were considering. I wish you the best of luck, you and your family are so beautiful and you are such an amazing mother. Xoxo

  27. MK

    I’ve been following you for a while and honestly I love how open heart you are being with your followers right now because not that I struggle with being pregnant because currently I am but some people here might be in the same situation as you and they might feel frustrated ior don’t know what to do

  28. faith

    I feel like I’m reading my own story! From the PCOS (though I don’t look like the typical case, but neither do you!), to the HSG, to the Clomid/Femara, to the IUI and even randomly ovulating on your own between appointments. Word for word – I wasn’t reacting, they upped my dose and I came back and we had missed it! I remember sobbing as they told me I was in that freaky 1%. It was awful. They even put me on Metformin even though I’m not insulin resistant, just in case. By this time I was doing injectables (Follistim) and had quickly gotten over my fear of needles, so I tried acupuncture. Like you, those sessions became almost therapy appointments. Eventually, I FINALLY got pregnant again and now have the most amazing 11yo boy. It was an awful time in my life, and you do feel like SUCH a failure. And who art of “making a baby” really turns into this stressful, time-consuming job that you feel you have no control over. Thank you for sharing; it is really way more common that people realize. You are young and it sounds like you have a proactive DR. Trust God and his timing. So many of us know exactly what you are feeling. Take care!!!

  29. Mk

    Sorry my comment post without finishing.
    Anyways, I love how open heart you are being right now because I know people who don’t like to talk about it or feel ashamed.
    Me and my hubby when we tried to get pregnant only tried for couple months but during the first months I felt exactly how you feel, every time I saw my period coming I was soooo down and so dissapointed.
    But what I’ve learned is that God times are the perfect times! And one day I was like “okay you know what I need to relax that VGG LOL and have fun! And enjoy being with my husband” and it happened! I found out I was pregnant and we were shocked and happy and excited!
    I don’t know if this will help but I’m glad you are going to a refliexiologu place where you can relax and not stressed about it.
    Probably you had so much stress going on from the house and kids and all get you!
    God willing you have the baby you and your hubby want and wish for!

  30. Carmen Katz

    Definately reconsider acupuncture. Specifically fFive Element Acupuncture. It’s a quick non painful needling that really works!! It has a wonderful track record for getting women pregnant. Amount other things.

  31. Kat

    Hi, love your blogs. Saw your post today and it home. I’m so sorry you are going through this. But understand all you are going through. Have gone through 6 IVF cycles and didn’t get pregnant they told me it wouldn’t happen for me. I was in a dark place felt as a failure and my poor husband did everything in his power to make me feel good and to comfort me that it’s ok. We have each other but I was just devastated. I pray and hope I will find my way. The next thing for us is either adoption or donor egg and sperm and I just can’t come to terms with none. Of it because always thought I would have one on my own. I pray and hope for things. I will pray for you and wish you all the best. Hang in there. Wishing all the best!!!

  32. Lacee

    I can totally relate to the frustration you are having. We got pregnant with our only child right off the bat. It is so difficult and frustrating to all of a sudden be having trouble getting pregnant when it was so easy the first time. I had that blue dye test (I was actually in surgery when she did it so I was completely unaware of the discomfort the test causes thank goodness) but during that test the dye would not go through my tubes. Both of my tubes are completely scarred off and that’s why we have been unable to have a baby. I think infertility is such an individual (and couples) struggle that is so different for everyone. For many reasons we have made the decision to have just one and we are okay with that. Unfortunately lots of people have their own opinion and it can be hard to deal with. Especially living in Utah where most families have multiple children. We were able to find happiness knowing we were lucky enough to have our one miracle boy and we will forever be grateful that we were able to have him. I am so glad you shared your story and I look forward to following your journey. The emotional part of infertility is such a rollercoaster but keep your head up and know that everything will be okay. ☺️

  33. Sarah

    OHHH Thank you So much for sharing your story!! You are amazing and so open and I have so many friends that have struggled with the same but in slience. I think lets open the door and all share our stories. I will Pray God will give you your next sweet child. I know he is preparing him/her right now!! Love your sweet voice on this little space here!!!

  34. Elizabeth T.

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us! Sending lots of love and prayers to you and your family!

  35. Kelly

    Thanks for sharing! <3

  36. Haley

    Sending all the positive vibes your way. We struggled with infertility for 3 years. The mental, physical, and financial struggle is tough! I just gave birth to our ivf baby 3 days ago!

  37. Amy Rico

    Thanks for sharing- I’ve been considering trying for a second baby but having issues with my cycle and other things related so I will have to see how it goes once I solve those first. I’m rooting for you and Cody to have success and sending all the positive vibes for you guys!

  38. Sarah

    Thank you for sharing this. I have recently been going through a similar situation. I have had two children super quickly and now trying for our third it is just not happening. I know it has only been 6 months and I feel bad getting upset and frustrated because other people try for much longer and everyone says 6 months is nothing. I am just happy to read about someone else feeling the same . I really am hoping everything works out for you guys.

  39. AlIce

    This is literally my exact fertility story! I feel you. We did letrozole though (it was better for the type of lean PCOS that I have). We got pregnant on our third and final cycle. I know it can feel so devasting every month that it doesn’t happen. All the dr appointments get overwhelming, and feel like a constant reminder. It will happen for you! My girl is now 16 mo old and I just found out I’m pregnant naturally with my second. Your body can change so drastically after pregnancy, so stay positive that this might not be a forever thing. Definitely try to reduce stress and eat super clean!! Lots of info on the web about low glycemic index diets / no sugar for pcos management. Women code is a great read!

  40. Haley

    I can’t imagine what you’re going through, mama! You are so strong! I’ve seen a lot of reviews on a friends account that Alani Nutrition Balance supplement works wonders for people with PCOS. They even started a balancebabies hashtag! You should try it! Love to you and your family. 😘

  41. theBlondepArty

    Thanks for being brave enough to share your story! Keeping you & your fam in our prayers! ❤️❤️

  42. Erin Jacobs

    Wow! I hate that you are going through this.. I’m actually going through almost the exact same thing. My cycles have always been irregular and just a few weeks ago I found out I have PCOS. My husband and I have been to the fertility dr, gotten blood work, etc. done and I am actually having the HSG done in two days. It’s crazy that three weeks ago I didn’t know what was wrong with me (we’ve been trying for a few years), and now I’m on birth control and doing IVF. Your story really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing and good luck! May God bless you and your family.

  43. Meghan

    You are so brave to be that vulnerable and transparent. Thank you for sharing your journey. I am sure this will bring light to so many women that are in the wait alongside you. Thank you for your honest words.

  44. Kelly

    Hi, Christine. Thanks so much for sharing. I’m sorry you’re going through this. And while I know you said you’re terrified of needles, I think acupuncture might be worth a look. One of my specialists (a western md- different speciality, not fertility) had incredible results after much disappointment from western medicine. So much so that she recommends others to the practice as it comes up in conversation and for other purposes (such as pain management- which is why I went.) You don’t feel the needles and don’t have to look either. 😉. In any case, I wish the best in your journey!

  45. Miriam

    I ‘m trully sorry to hear that this journey isn’t was easy and fun as it should be. I was diagnosed with the same condition but refused to take any hormones that supposedly were going to normalize my cycle etc. a friend of my parents, really amazing ginecologist said I should do a simple food Intolerance test. Turns out I was eating a ton of things my body didn’t tolerate. I went off of them for a year. After 12 months I went back to the doctor and my ovaries looked COMPLETELY NORMAL. I was shocked, I mean I saw the difference on the screen!!! I would suggest you do that…I know you hear lots of opinions but this really helped me and fixed so many issues. You never know! The doctor who suggested I do the test said he had a patient who couldn’t get pregnant and they did the test. Turns out she was intolerant to carrots which she ate a lot. She went off of them and got pregnant 6 months later!
    I will be praying for you beautiful! God loves family and he is all about family. Your story will be full of beauty 💛

  46. Maeva

    Hello fromage France 🤗 Thanks for sharing this part of your life! Hope that Beckham will have a baby brocher or sister soon!
    Wish you all only hapiness❣️

  47. Itsmevee

    You’re a beautiful soul. I wish you all the best with your family. Thank you for being so open and honest with your experiences. Sending lots of love. Xx

  48. Anne

    I’ve been there. It’s incredibly hard but talking about it does help. My first round of IVF I got pregnant and was blessed with a healthy baby girl. Two years later we went through several rounds with no success. When we asked my fertility doctor iif there was any chance we could get pregnant naturally she said “Sure, just like Isreal and Palestine will come to a peace agreement.” It was devastating. Espeically knowing we should be thankful for the child we had but that doesn’t stop the ache in your heart when you want more. We decided to adopt internationally and jumped through all the hoops and spent tons of money. One interview left to approve the adoption and I find out the day before I have metastatic thyroid cancer. Adoption agencies are not thrilled when the adoptive mother has cancer. We decided to accept that we will only have one child and focus on my health. One year later I’m about to have a scan that will determine if my cancer is gone and the doctor says they have to wait for my pregnancy test to come back before they perform the scan. Ha! I said, “I can’t get pregnant”. The nurse, who knew about my fertility struggles, walked in with the biggest grin on her face. My son is now 11, my daughter 16 and I am cancer free. You have to have hope. Hope that things will work out for you no matter what that looks like. Be kind to yourself.

  49. Chelsea

    Thanks for sharing your struggles. I hope you and Cody are blessed with good news soon. It’s so hard during the struggle to get your mind off things, but anything that helps you relax is a good thing 🙂

  50. franci duque

    so much love for you and your family

  51. Amanda

    You probably get a million suggestions daily, but I swear by MACA. I take “happy healthy hippie” tablets daily. I suggested them to a friend who was having a hard time conceiving, she started taking them and within weeks she was pregnant! She’s 7 weeks now and she thinks that’s what did it! It’s all natural so I mean, maybe it would hurt to add to your daily vitamins 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m praying for you mama. You seem like such an incredible mother and step mother, I know God has a plan for you. 🖤

  52. Priscilla Arias

    Hey girl! Thanks for sharing your story <3 ….I experienced the same as you, Summer 2018 started going to a fertility clinic, they did all those tests and found out I have PCOS, the emotional drainage of cycle monitoring and going in there every 2-3 days – it def takes a toll. December the doctor told us that before jumping to IVF, we would do IUI (bascially turkey baster method) and so we decided to go ahead but wait for Spring 2019 since I was gonna be travelling a lot. At that point I mentally prepared myself and accepted that IUI and IVF were gonna be the next steps and continued taking my prenatals and fish oils. Last month we found out we were pregnant, we were shocked because of what the doctor had told us. Sorry for leaving such a long story on here haha but I agree with what you were saying about God's timing because that was the mindset I had to learn to accept, getting pregnant is not easy and this whole process does so much emotionally. You have a network of women supporting you and with similar stories, I hope mine helps a little 🙂 sending positive vibes your way!

  53. Abby

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. My husband and I also struggled with infertility and it was so difficult to talk about. We now have a one year old son through IVF 🙂 good luck! You are so brave and inspiring. Thank you again for putting your very personal story out there as there are so many of us that can relate!

  54. Kat

    Thanks for sharing! My husband and I are also trying to conceive and while I wouldn’t wish this type of frustration on anyone it is always comforting to hear that you are not alone. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way, hang in there!

  55. Pritha

    Look into metformin as off label use for anovulation. I have very irregular cycles and took a few months of it and then got pregnant (post miscarriage). i obviously don’t know that it will 100% work but it’s a good step before clomid as it works on insulin sensitivity vs actual fertility. lots of good luck to you!

  56. Nancy

    I’m so sorry that the journey is so stressful…but so happy that you are sharing because a lot of women are going through this. Ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

  57. Le na

    You really look underwieght and this can be a reason you cannot concieve

    1. Shay

      No joke. Don’t make everyone feel sorry for you when you are probably starving your own body of what it needs. This is your body saying ‘ I can only exist alone. You aren’t taking care of me enuf to support two.’ So check your vanity at the door for a bit .

      1. I know writing personal posts opens myself up for comments like these but don’t come in and make assumptions about something you know nothing about. I have been teased all my life about being “too skinny” and in this generation of body positivity – shaming people for being too skinny is just as offensive as overweight. Let’s check our assumptions about people and work on being more uplifting to people instead of judging.

        1. Dana

          Christine does not starve herself at all!!! I saw her eating exacltly like all of us do! Tacos, burritos, chinese food! Her metabolism is like that,. She is awesome!

      2. Anna

        Shay- I hope that you can apologize for such an incredibly offensive and rude comment. Who are you to judge how she looks and assume that she starved herself. She is naturally thin and that by no means that she can’t conceive for that reason. Instead of writing a rude comment think of something positive to say to her like “thank you for sharing your story” or “I hope that you and your family will soon be able to have another little one join you”. Remember ladies that if you have nothing nice to say or a comment that you wouldn’t appreciate someone telling you , maybe you shouldn’t say it. Christine just ignore their comments and NEVER lose hope. I have a feeling 2019 will answer your prayers. 💜

      3. Stephanie

        You should be ashamed of yourself for the hateful comments. I’ll pray you find peace and no longer feel the need to say such mean things to someone.

  58. tricia canonico

    I’m so sorry. It’s an incredibly hard thing to go through. I felt like such a failure too. You get used to achieving anything you put your mind to and when you just can’t force something to happen it’s so difficult to wrap your head around that. I had an ectopic pregnancy, followed by a year of fertility treatments (including a round of injections where I had more than a dozen egg follicles and they wouldn’t let me continue with the cycle. I hear you on how devastating it is to lose another month. After another ectopic pregnancy IVF was our only option. It was actually a relief to know it was that or nothing. There was no ambiguity left. I’m happy to say I have three kids all through IVF. With each of their pregnancies I did acupuncture. I am convinced it was an essential part of the process. I had one miscarriage and did not get pregnant with with a couple IVF rounds. Both times I wasn’t doing acupuncture. It’s so hard to go through the process but know that there can definitely be a light at the end of that tunnel.

  59. Taylee goff

    ❤️Who did you go to for foot reluxoligy.?

  60. Noelle

    Thank you for sharing ! We share a similar story. Let’s promise ourselves that we don’t hold onto things and let negative things turn to into positive things.

  61. Ashley C

    Thanks so much for sharing your story.. I just found out a week ago that I have PCOS. I’m glad Emily Gemma mentioned you in her story. I start my first round of Femara next week. I will be praying for you and the other ladies as well.

  62. XRiA Xro

    There’s so many ppl that should not ever have kids or reproduce thier unnecessary genes. Im ao tired of hearing so many uneducated, broke, not ready financially or mentally to bring another person in to this world. Which are the ones that do get pregnant so quick which should not be an option for this kind of ppl. Even prostitutes get pregnant easier than other women that are ready to procreate. This is just not fair. I feel like their should be a Law which required for couples to be educated hold a degree pass a test of common sense n how smart u are, How are u a person beneficial for society. All this to determine if you would b a good fit to be pass on ur genes and all this after u had proved u make 100k for each kid u have this should be the minimum for a couple to make annual income in order to have 1 kid for every 100k n this is the minimum beacuse in reality u need 500 to 1mil to give 1 child the best life n education they could get to become decent abiding citizens to a community to the whole country eveyone else are just nobodies not even good for the entire world. Anyways things happen for a reason. Maybe u’re not meant to have kids anymore or maybe u will when u’re 45. Who knows is ur body who has the problem. I still feel theres many women u should never reproduce for no reason. They have kids just for the government to take care of them which we never ask for them to have and we have to pay all this taxes to go to benefit this ppl.

  63. Leah

    Thank you for sharing your story and emotions behind these steps you have taken. There is so much to think about when trying for a baby and our bodies definitely are much more connected to the affects of our mental state than we realize. Even if the foot reflexology is only helping with releasing those emotions, I’d say that’s a win too! Praying you both can find some answers and be able to more forward in a positive way on your infertility journey. Sending you love.

  64. victoria

    Thank you so much for sharing!! honestly reading your story made me feel like i was reading about myself. we got pregnant with our first baby within one month of trying. it was super easy. now with baby number two, we were struggling and i totally didn’t think we would be because baby number one was so easy. it felt like forever and i totally get what FOREVER feels like and i get you mama. we got pregnant within 5 months of try to conceive (which sounds very quick but it definitely didn’t feel quick) two months later i lost the baby. it was the hardest time in my life. honestly i felt like i failed at life. so many emotions were going thru me. after visiting my doctor, i got my confidence back that i will have another baby. it has been a roller coaster but i totally trust God and his plan for our family. i’ve been praying over my belly and “future” baby for about 3 months and about 2 weeks ago i found out that i’m pregnant. it was honestly the most amazing feeling. i don’t think ive ever screamed and shouted so loud like i did the day i took the test. our due date is oct 2019. i’ll be praying for you and your family! i know God will bless you with a beautiful baby and it will be the happiest moment for your family!! love you mama!

  65. Renae

    Your story is one that so many of us somehow find ourselves in. Infertility struggles are usually unplanned and raw. I too struggled for 5 years and understand the disbelief and feeling like there has been so much investment with no return. I bought a product from GNC called Fertility Blend on a recommendation from a cousin. It worked for us, both myself and husband took it. Its non-prescription but obviously talk to your doctor to make sure its safe for your situation. Even if you never look into it, I wish you all the best! & just so you know, from this angle your family looks beautiful just the way it is!

  66. margauz

    This is fabulous

  67. Kristi manning

    I’m recently pregnant and was diagnosed with PCOs as well and always was so anxious that I would have problems conceiving. I did a ton of research and there is a supplement called mayo-insItol 40:1 which I think is a miracle supplement!! I immediately got my period after stopping birth control (prior didn’t get it for 8 months) and I got pregnant on the first try. If anyone is reading these comments and is trying I would research it!! And always stay positive!!!

  68. Fiona

    Sending you all the love ! Catching up since the pregnancy announcement ! You bring me so much hope ! We are on year two of trying after our first and with two miscarriages last year I know that darkness so well! Our son will be 4 in the summer and so I love seeing blended families and families with similar age gaps as we will have which helps me be more at peace with our struggles – it’s jkst the life that was planned for us and no type A mom style like me will change that xo I’m so glad things worked for you and I only hope the same for so many women struggling xo thank you for sharing

  69. Donna

    Congratulations on finally getting pregnant. My 33 year old daughter has been through so much trying to get pregnant. I hope God will bless her with a healthy baby soon. You are a beautiful family with such a beautiful life. May i ask if this blog is both of your career or do you and your husband have other jobs?

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